Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Twilight Rewritten - Chapter 2

Click here for Chapter 1.

So. Chapter 1 left us off with Bella crying because Edward doesn't like her very much. Chapter 2 starts off the next day.

"The next day was better ... and worse."

How can it possibly be both? It's like someone asking how you are if you've been ill and you saying "It's gotten better and it's gotten worse".

Bella complains about being tired. She complains about her Algebra teacher asking her a question. She complains about volleyball. She complains about Edward not being in school. I'm realising this girl isn't very content about well, anything.

Bella says she makes "the Cowardly Lion look like the terminator". I personally believe the Lion was not a coward and was rather brave throughout the Wizard of Oz. He may have been a bit of a wimp at the beginning but through the Wizard of Oz, he showed quite a lot of bravery.

Bella ignores Jessica and Mike. She continues to obsess over Mr Edward Gary Sue.

Bella insults Mike, the "golden retriever". She's a really good friend isn't she?

Bella says she must be diplomatic in Forks as if she's an important person. ROFLMAO!

Bella goes shopping to get some groceries so she can cook dinner because that is her only function as a woman.

I'm starting to forget this is a vampire novel. You'd think SMeyer could at least make Forks feel creepy. In fact it feels like it would be a nice place to live, if Bella wasn't there. I mean it's a beautiful place and the people seem nice.

Bella is still thinking about the weather while in the supermarket. She thinks about the weather way too much. You'd think she'd never seen the rain before or something.

Bella emails her "erratic, harebrained mother". How lovely of her.

Bella reads Wuthering Heights "for the fun of it". I keep forgetting Bella is a thirty-something 17 year old. To be honest, if I had been like her at 17, I'd have gotten better grades.

Charlie now keeps the gun in the house because he trusts Bella not to shoot herself "by accident". I wouldn't think like that if my daughter was a walking hazard. She's the kind of person who could kill ten people just by holding the damn thing.

Bella does some cooking because women aren't useful for anything else.

Charlie says good things about the Cullen kids. He won't be saying that when she nearly gets killed because of them.

Charlie watches TV while Bella washes up the dishes. What kind of father lets his daughter cook but doesn't offer to clean the dishes? This Charlie is kind of a shit father at times.

Bella goes back to school. The other kids avoid her in PE. Lol! I don't blame them.

Edward isn't in school still.

Bella cleans the house because she is a normal 17 year old. Bella wants to go to the city to visit a bookstore. Amazon was around at this time. She could've ordered a book online but no, she's an ordinary 17 year old who drives a hundred miles to visit a bookstore.

Weather reference.

People are nice to Bella at school. She tries to be nice to them. What is really annoying is that not many people were this nice to me at school and I was one of the nice kids!

More weather references.

It snows. Bella hates snow. A normal 17 year old I tell you.

Edward is back. Bella has a fit YAAAY!

Edward isn't giving Bella the evils. But he stares at her. Creepish stalker behaviour.

Back to the weather. It rains. Snow vanishes. Bella is happy. Normal 17 year old.

Edward is nice to Bella. They do some group work. Bella tells Edward her life story. You kind of feel a bit bad for Bella that her mother is running around the country with a man while her daughter is miserable in Forks. We're told Bella made the decision but Bella is only 17 and if I had a daughter, I wouldn't live on the other side of the country to my daughter, especially as Bella made it clear before moving to Forks that she didn't like it there. Renée seems to be kind of like Bella, just more childlike.

Biology is over.

Bella continues to be a walking hazard during PE. Something is seriously wrong with her brain. I'm clumsy too but at least I can walk without killing someone or seriously injuring myself.

Edward blocks Bella in the car park with his Volvo. He laughs. Bella doesn't.

So that's chapter 2 done! Aren't vampire novels meant to be all creepy and scary? I felt a bit bad for Bells when she talks about her mother to Edward but that vanishes in chapter 3 which I will finish working on soon. I'll probably put it up in a couple of weeks unless I magically find some spare time.

I hope you enjoyed Chapter 2 rewritten! Please let me know what you think in the comments section!



  1. I never never read the original, except for about the first 50 pages and quit. But somebody likes her books.

    1. ROFLOL!

      I've not yet met a member of the male species who has honestly enjoyed these books.

  2. Ahaha. "She's the kind of person who could kill ten people just by holding the damn thing."

    You know, the fact that she LIKES Wuthering Heights says a lot about her as a character. Wuthering Heights is a book about some REALLY dysfunctional relationships. Hm. Wonder what that reminds me of...

    1. LOL! I never thought of that. I think Wuthering Heights is a good book but I wouldn't read it for fun. In fact, it left me feeling depressed.


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