I've started reading this book again for the LOLS and found that I kept stopping and making random comments about the book. So I'm going to let you know about everything that goes through my mind.
I'll start off with the preface.
I don't understand this. Surely this is a prologue rather than a preface. A preface is an introduction from the author and not the narrator.
There's something about a hunter trying to kill Bella. This theme of Bella dying is the main theme of the novel. I don't know who the hunter is and I still don't know anything about Bella so this kind of feels out of place.
Bella is going to the airport. This is so fascinating I'm just dying to read more! Where is she going? Paris? London? New York? Lisbon? No, she's going to Forks, a place I've never heard of in the middle of nowhere.
SMeyer gives us some painful descriptions about Forks.
"inconsequential" a word that most teenagers are aware of and use in everyday life. I'm not a normal teenager so I had to look this up in the dictionary. Turns out, using a primary school dictionary isn't a good idea. I ended up googling this word. Never used it in my life before Twilight. I realise I'm reading a ripoff of a dictionary. At least dictionaries contain swear words.
Then we get a mention of Charlie. I don't know many people who refer to their dad by their first name. I call my dad "Dad" all the time, no matter who I'm talking to.
Then Bella moans about Forks and the weather. This is sort of the beginning of one big moaning session.
Bella says some horrible stuff about her "erratic, harebrained mother". She wonders how her mother will "fend for herself" as if she is like some pet. What a lovely daughter huh?! I wish one day I have a daughter like deary Bella.
Bella lies. She's shit at it. Just like everything else.
Bella and Charlie are awkward. I just want to shoot them both.
Bella gets a car. Bitch is ungrateful for it.
Bella says Forks is "too green" and like "an alien planet". Well funny thing is, green isn't alien at all. Look at maps of Earth and you'll see it's green. Nothing alien about green stuff. And without these horrible green things, we'd all choke to death. Ungrateful Bella.
Bella goes to her bedroom. It hasn't changed since she was a kid except she now has a computer that is worse than the one my parents bought me in 2001 with crap internet. Someone needs to tell Bella she isn't living in the Dark Ages.
Bella complains about having to share a bathroom with Charlie. How terrible. It's worse than sharing a bathroom with everyone who lives in your street just like the Victorians had to!
Bella cries because her life is so horrible. Poor Bella. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, she appears to be in great health (although I reckon she should be dead from anaemia), lives in a nice house, probably has health insurance and has a car, we must all pity her because she had a choice in whether or not she went to Forks.
She then talks about Forks High School. Oh no. She won't fit in. There are hardly any students there. She's going to be a "freak".
She talks about her appearance. She looks like SMeyer. And she's so clumsy, you'd think she would die at some point from falling down a flight of stairs and through a window. But no, Miss Mary Sue survives.
Bella talks about how she doesn't feel like a real teenager. Because you know, we all know she's actually a misunderstood genius.
Bella has a malfunctioning brain. Shame it's functioning enough for her to be alive.
Bella cries herself to sleep. More weather references. Urgh, Bella talks about the weather so often, it really makes me wonder if she's British. Nobody is more obsessed with mother nature than us Brits.
Bella feels awkward in the house. She leaves for school.
She thinks she's in a biohazard suit. She probably needs one considering how clumsy she is.
More weather references.
Bella gets to school. She doesn't like school because it looks homely and nice and doesn't look like a prison. All schools should look grey, have metal fences with barbed wire on top, metal detectors and drug checks from police officers. Because you know, we should treat all young people as second class citizens.
Bella Swan shows her obsession with herself by assuming everyone in the town is expecting her. Maybe they're just surprised at how deathly sick she looks.
Bella convinces herself no one is going to bite her and gets out of the car. Bad foreshadowing.
Bella is glad she doesn't stand out because everyone has the same skin colour as her. Seems Bella Swan is also obsessed with how much melanin her skill cells produce. Racist.
She blushes tomato red when her teacher gawks at her - because she carries around a mirror to observe colour changes in her skin just like any normal person. Although this isn't really a colour change in the skin and is just more blood rushing to her face.
She goes to the back of the classroom to avoid people staring at her but they still manage to because Bella is so
Bella shows us how intelligent she is because she has already read everything on the reading list for English. Because every 17 year old reads Chaucer in their spare time.
SMeyer introduces a cliché. Eric. Greasy hair. Glasses. Acne. Typical geek. I wonder what kind of school SMeyer went to since I've never come across someone as clichéd as this.
Bella makes a shit joke. Blames it on other people not having a sense of humour. Poor Bella. She's just so misunderstood.
Bella hates her Algebra teacher and his class. She blushes (more vain mirror checking) and falls over her feet. I would hate to be near her when she's walking. To be honest, I'd hate to be near her regardless of whether she's alive or dead. Imagine laying in a grave next to Bella Swan. I think I'd want to die. Again.
Bella thinks people are brave for talking to her. I say they're brave for going anywhere near her.
Bella has an awful memory and forgets people's names just seconds after they tell her. Falling into things must have given her brain damage.
Cliché Eric waves at her. She ignores him.
Bella sees the Cullens. Another thing she's obsessed with. Bella seriously has something wrong with her.
Bella likes the Cullens because they look more anaemic than her. Obsessed with physical features.
Jessica (girl whose name Bella keeps forgetting) infodumps who the Cullens are. Jessica sure knows a lot about them considering the Cullens don't talk to anyone else in school.
Jessica complains about Edward not liking her.
The Cullens leave the lunch hall.
Bella goes to Biology with Angela, another cliché. She's shy, just like poor misunderstood Bella.
Bella sits next to Edward. She freaks out. He ignores her.
Miss Mary Sue can't understand why
Bella continues to perve over Edward.
Edward leaves Biology quickly without looking at Bella. She's seriously bummed he isn't getting down on his knees and bowing to her. She seriously needs to get a life.
Bella bumps into
Bella says Mike "was the nicest person" she'd met that day but she still pretty much ignores him because he isn't Edward.
Bella calls Forks her "personal hell". She can still go home to Phoenix but she chooses to stay and complain about everything.
Bella talks about her volleyball injuries. How the hell is she not dead? You'd think someone as clumsy as her would fall into the road and get run over by a truck! Shame about that though.
School is over. Bella hears Edward trying to switch classes from Biology. Bella feels even more rejected. She cries. She goes home.
Note: Quotes are taken from Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.