Sunday, 12 February 2012

Top 10 Homework Excuses - And Why You Shouldn't Use Them

I used to have a lot of homework excuses and still do. Most of them didn't work and some of them worked but later backfired on me.

So here are the top 10 that I used!

  1. "I left it at home." - This one gets used a lot because teachers can never tell if you really have done it or not. This excuse does not indicate that you haven't done it and many students will rely on this one. But don't use it. In fact, avoid it. It's used too often and will only work in the teachers who either don't care or are pushovers. The other thing with this excuse is that your teacher will then want it in the next day and if you haven't done it, you now have 24 hours to get it done. 
  2. "My [insert relative] died." - JUST DON'T USE THIS! First of all, I used this and my uncle died a few hours later. I felt guilty. Second of all, it's something teachers will ask your parents about if they ever bump into them. You run the risk of teachers apologising to your parents about the loss of a relative. If you are ever going to use this, replace this excuse with "My [insert relative] was sick so I didn't have time."
  3. "I left it on the train." - I thought I was clever using this excuse. Until my college decided to make us contact the train company to get our folders back. We never actually left anything on the train. We reckoned that it was the best excuse because they'd be no way your homework would turn up again. Wrong. The train people kept everyone's stuff and put it in lost property. If they didn't have our stuff, the teachers would know we lied. 
  4. "I can't find it." - Brilliant excuse. But it makes you look forgetful. Really forgetful. And stupid. Plus, some teachers will instantly connect it with "I didn't do it." If you're going to use this excuse, chuck a crapload of paper into your bag and spill it onto your desk. You're teacher will quickly move on tot he next student. Make sure your bag is messy and full of a lot of clutter. You're teacher will not wait for you to go through it. 
  5. "I didn't know we had any." - Even though your teacher reminded you five times. And if you wrote it in your diary, you're doomed. This is not effective. Don't use it. 
  6. "I found it hard." - Teachers will always suggest you ask them for help before the day it was due in then. You will soon find yourself staying behind after school for extra lessons to help you understand future homeworks. You will then never be able to use this excuse again.
  7. "I spilt a drink on it." - Your teacher will want proof. Use this and bring in soggy scraps of paper for proof. But make sure you can't read the smudgy writing.
  8. "I wasn't feeling very well." - When you're younger, it's a great excuse. But if you're in high school or college, teachers will suddenly not be as sympathetic. It's not the best excuse unless you have a medical condition or genuinely have just taken a 4 day absence from school/college. The best thing to do if you use this and are in school or college is to talk to the teacher at the beginning of the lesson or day and ask for an extension. Beware though, some teachers will know if you were ill or not. Use this with caution. Girls, only use this excuse when you are not wearing makeup and haven't brushed your hair. 
  9. "My printer wasn't working." - I thought I was a genius by using this. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that and my teacher told me I should've just written it out by hand. Use this if you have carpal tunnel syndrome. Otherwise, don't use it. 
  10. "My computer crashed." - No it didn't. The teacher knows it didn't. And your teacher will only accept this excuse if only used once. More than once, and your teacher will suggest you buy a new computer. 

Here are the homework excuses with a high rate of acceptance by teachers:
  1. [Insert relative] had to go to hospital/was ill and I had to help him/her. 
  2. Send a fake document by email that will either not open or is full of crap to your teacher. Apologise and promise to send a correct link in. 
  3. Pretend you emailed it. Say the email must not have sent. 
  4. If you have a job, say you must have left it at work since you did it while on a work break. 
  5. Hand in the wrong homework or better, hand in a previously done homework. This won't work for people who never complete homework though. 
  6. If you are a girl and your teacher is a male, say you were on your period. If you are a male or have a female teacher, don't use this excuse. 
  7. Send an email to your teacher with an attached file that opens and make sure the word document is full of symbols. 
  8. Admit that you just didn't do it and couldn't bother with coming up with an excuse. Some, surprisingly, will appreciate the truth. 
  9. Walk into the classroom and go "What homework?" Insist that you genuinely had no idea you had homework. But don't say "I didn't know we had homework." "What homework?" suggests that you're shocked at the revelation that you had homework. Then say that you thought it was in for a later date (no more than 2 days after actual deadline). Kindly ask for an extension.
  10. Throw up on a piece of paper with some random writing on. Put it in a plastic bag. Your teacher will not want to touch it. Recipe for vomit:
    1. Mashed potato
    2. Beans 
    3. Diet Coke (About 30ml should do it)
    4. A raw egg. 
      1. Mix your ingredients together in a bowl. 
      2. Dip the paper in the bowl. Make sure it is the writing side that comes into contact with the crap. 
      3. For maximum effectiveness, leave the 'sick' to settle for at least 24 hours. 

So there we have it, a detailed guide to homework excuses. But remember kids, don't use more than one every two weeks on the same teacher. You'll risk looking like a fool or being told off for never having homework. I was once threatened off a course for two months worth of no homework.

Kamille

11 comments:

  1. "If you are a male..., don't use this excuse."

    Oh my gosh. That made me laugh!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you laughed!

      I know this one boy who used this excuse. It had just slipped out of his mouth. He regretted it after!

      Delete
  2. I laughed at #8. Don't look cool when you're pretending to be sick.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you laughed.

      It's a bit hard to do that. You'd be like "Wassup?" one minute and gagging the next.

      Delete
  3. Oh God! Brilliantly creative and funny! Looks like you've had a lot of experience, eh? lol

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  6. I just wanted to say that I think that the computer broke one will fit best right now(: this page is gold, thank you! I just hope it works!

    ReplyDelete

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